JUELZ HUFFY

This is my favorite picture of all time I think. This is Dan Burns the morning after our Myrtle Beach date at the amazing Scott Smallin's new posh pad. I threatened over the mic at least twice that I was moving in. Dude lives what I'd like to refer to as "the life". If I am a good doobie in this life I hope to come back as Scott Smallin.



Also, while I'm back tracking here, some serious weird shit went down while we were in NC. If I didn't mention it before, Greenville North Carolina looks a bit like 28 days later or something. There are tons of buildings and houses and cars but no one walking around. The locals blamed it on Memorial Day, but there was still something eerie about it. We went to a Hess station to buy some gangsta 40's, yet another thing you cannot do in the north, and while we were in there this crack head looking like Juelz Santana came swaying in. We got our stuff and were waiting for the last of us who were inside when I hear the old leather lady behind the counter scream "STOP HIM!". Juelz started to speed off on his (most likely stolen) women's bike and we were stunned and just looked at each other. This trucker who was outside silently smoking the entire time grabbed his arm causing an 18 RACK of beer to fall from underneath his tall tee. Although Juelz did get away, the box smashed to the ground and beers were rolling all over the parking lot.

You have to understand how big an 18 rack is. Seriously, look down at the shirt you're wearing right now. How big of a box can you fit underneath that? Like a box of tissue maybe at best. Well dude had a box the size of a 3 year old child underneath there and attempted to transport it via WOMEN'S BIKE. I guess go big or go home right?

Missing one of many continental breakfast's during hotel stays, we left Greenville feeling good. The kids love to do drugs and pogo and the thieves got balls. When we get to D.C I realize the towel in my bag is what was causing the peculiar odor in the back of the van. Towels in bags apparently have the shelf life of about 5 or 6 days before turning on you. I thew it away in a garbage barrel near some projects and carried some gear into the venue.

The last time Spanish had played The Red & Black, it was just me, a mini synth, a light, some eggshakers, and a mic. This was on tour with THE SHOW IS THE RAINBOW. Darren Keen had watched a GG video at Petersen's old pad the night before and was subconsciously inspired to get naked and throw something as hard as he could at his projector screen. He said it was just coincidence and would have gotten naked anyway but I don't know about that.



This was the first and only venue that fucked us for money on tour. It happens. You have a ton of paying people at the door and are greeted with a shrug at the end of the nite by the owner. It's not like being a prostitute and you just call your pimp. Although having some guy that looks like Disco Rick break someones legs would have been nice. So you just collect your losses and sell some black metal tees and head out. The crowd did rule though. Some kid did the worm during FATHER CHARISMA of all songs!

ORGAN BURNS ELECTRIC GUITAR CHURNS

Somehow on previous tours Spanish had not had the chance to pop into Myrtle Beach. If you've never been to MB, it is basically a series of 4,000 billboards of the most bizarre imagery advertisements for miles and miles before even getting there to begin with.

I was excited to see palm trees. I asked why they looked so dead. I was told they were Palmetto trees. Ooops. Like palmetto BUGS? Seen some of those too actually.

MB is also home to my main dude SCOTT SMALLIN. Scott's exquisite new pad made me actually consider moving towards the warmth. I guess the historic destruction and grim snowflakes of the NE are starting to give me lulu vibes.

So we've done a good chunk of shows and touring over the last two years but nothing compared to a couple of the things I seen at this show:

-A set that was reminiscent of something like Alicia Silverstone in the Crush meets Prurient

-a bartender set her tits on fire with the use of matches and long nipples

-a dude that looked like jack the pumpkins king roll up onto the deck of the bar with a bicycle that was shaped like a chopper.

The rest I wont even dare speak about. But MB was on some serious shit and if you were there thanks for the time.

Upon getting into Greenville North Carolina, we found sushi for 2.50 A ROLL. And good sushi at that. Why do I not live in the south again?





The Spazzatorium Galleria was sick. Crazy crowd of renegade kids out of their minds on god knows what. Someone straight up had a dog running around during the show. We played WIDOWS for the first time ever which is basically the most sludged out noise banger, or maybe only sludged out noise banger we have in our catalog. It ruled I think we are gonna keep doing it for the rest of tour.

This guy said he was going to rock the Dominican Black Metal tee for the next two years straight. I kind of believed him.

SLEEP'S HOLY MOUNTAIN

Not sure how I forgot to mention this, but in Virginia we came across some kind of Mexican Burlington Coat Factory cowboy arcade. I'm not going to even try to explain that I think. Dan described it as what American will look like in 200 years.

Oh did anyone see the shit we were streaming from PLAZA BOWL? I tried to get a still on the webcam but it didn't work out. It looked like we were checking our email in outer space if you seen it. Nick Miller came in straight up rocking a SLEEP shirt. This is also awesome because Rodney has a SLEEP tattoo I would come to find.


Migwell and NFM

Actually NFM DID describe this venue to me via a text as "looking like time travel" some weeks ago. Cubscout and Rhino played this particular banger. FIND THEM. They murdered it. We broke some strings and played Eerie Indiana which we have been playing since again. Oldtime stylie.



Afterwards we had an Afghan Whigs dance party where Nick Miller tells me he once djed at a strip club and played "Somethin Hot". This is why this dude is my cosmic brother.

Then we headed to Myrtle Beach where things got real tapped. To be continued next time I have a minute to get on this thing.

LOVE/RESPECT
P TONIE

PREMIUM SKULL

So upon getting to Wilkes-Barre we make a fantastic discovery that we left an amp back in Brooklyn. Which is even funnier because we were doing things like, you know, hanging out in the park there while not even thinking about it. See the clear look of concern:



Popped off the set in the WB and then straight up hauled booty back to BK where our Vox was still intact at Bruar Falls. YAY!

Right now we are streaming the show from Richmond. It is at a bowling alley venue called Plaza Bowl. Xiu Xiu played here recently I wonder what Jamie Stewart looked like across this blinking backdrop. Nick Miller who was here once texted me from a show here saying "It is what time travel looks like."

Cubscout and the Rhino as well as VIKING are doing this thing with us tonite. Im stoked to see em actually. I wonder what it will sound like with pins getting destroyed.

IF MORRISSEY WERE FROM QUEENS

Brooklyn is always six thousand degrees hotter than Providence even though not much more virtually south. Bruar Falls is on Grand street which is 4 or 5 store fronts down from a small D.I.Y (?) church. When we walked by it there was a lady, approximately 150 years old, playing a tambourine and screaming really high while 2 old men and a small child watched the "set" from some pews. I would have a picture of it for you but the Shaman fronted hard and got scared to go in and get a clear shot. BOOO. The back of the stage at BF had a weird curtain with something looking like a Cindi Lauper hologram projected on it. Although the venue was cool they had this weird thing about not turning the BEATS loud, yet, there are drums playing anyway also??? I guess they have some kind of weird neighborhood policy thing and a women upstairs caled the Feds. BOOOO. It was after the show was over though so it didnt matter anyway. The cop looked like Robert Dinero from what I could see from the van except 4 foot 1.





We did this show with MUBU and this new band or to new to me THE PRESS that I was stoked to see and they totally murdered it. They were real Q.T pies too. Probably gigantic in 12 months.



Our boy MAY I BE FRANK was djing round the corner so we went to dig that too. He once told me freestyle dude Noel was "The Morrissey of Queens". Actually was right then and he's right now:



Frank also slapped my nearly bare ass so hard it might as well been Oscar de la Hoya punching my teeth out. It was actually worse. If an effeminate gay man ever asks to slap your ass don't go for it. He also dropped the line upon coming into Kat Deem's packed Brooklyn pad floor ".....8,000 COCKS!! LETS GET STONED!!"

STEELY BILL

All members of every band should sing I think. Imagine doing sound for these guys. "Yeah we needs seven lead vocal mics. Also our guitar player stage left may appear to be in rem sleep but he's just soloing. Oh and lastly Tony Danza's twin is filling in on keys tonite. Other than that our set up is pretty straight forward."

Also Bill Cosby's face at 0:16 sums up alot of things for me these days.

GOOD NOTHING/ BAD NOTHING

So yea THIS is back in rotation again. I usually revive this like once a year, you know get pumped for the summer. Dan Burns recently pointed out that Freaky Frusciante looks like someone from Olneyville, name witheld, in which I said that I think everyone living in Olneyville either gets this look or Vincent Gallo's at age 30. It's like getting your ARP card, it automatically happens if you live to a certain age. I mean don't get me wrong that rules. Anyway there is a real good point somewhere in one of the six parts of this interview where he talks about the difference between "Good Nothing's" and "Bad Nothing's". Don't kid yourself it totally makes sense. I think in this part he is talking about not having enough money for coke and going into bookstores in LA and looking at pictures of Bowie to feel like he was coke but I can't be sure because there is no sound in the AS220 sound booth computer (isn't that crazy actually?). This also proves that the average human body can go through more than you think without disintergrating completely. I think he revived himself with yoga or spinning courses or something. TRUE MEN DON'T KILL COYOTES!

Also, completed unrelated, can we talk about THIS guy:



This SCOOP NECK shirt is killing it!! I think the chest hair shaped around the scoop was calculated too. This is, according to the media, the mastermind behind 9/11, I don't follow that kind of thing, but he DOES look a little stressed out. Actually this might actually be related to the above. Maybe this is what Frusciante looks like on the inside during that interview.

THE GREAT AMERICAN SCREAM MACHINE

So as some of you may know Spanish Dancer has quietly been producing songs for dolo pop wonder STERLING SILVER. We managed to bang one out at The Wayne Gayle a few weeks ago called "The Great American Scream Machine" which is now streaming on the MAGISTRATE OF CHRIST page for your pleazure. Someone told me it is a roller coaster at Six Flags. I guess that makes sense. I have no idea what the mirror maze is though although it sounds nuts.

CIVIL DISOBEDIENCE

Photos from Friday's Tazza giggles by The Shaman: